Shit happens
Shit happens is the motto for a series of satirical jokes religious and philosophical definitions, circulating on the Internet. The following is a collection assembled from different sources. The jokes are of course caricatures not meant to insult any particular creed and may reflect particular non neutral points of view. This joke was featured in the movie Forrest Gump, where the main character, Forrest, gets mud thrown in his face and when asked of his thoughts, replies, "It happens," which is supposedly spun by the questioner into the "shit happens" slogan.
- See also: Internet humour - You have two cows
Knock! Knock! "Shit Happens!"
Hare Krishna:
Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
Buddhism:
When shit happens, is it really shit?
Catholicism:
Shit happens but as long as you repent, it's OK.
Shit happens if you wear condoms.
Charismatic Catholicism:
Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.
Christian Fundamentalism:
There's no shit in the Bible.
If you say shit is happening, you'll burn at the stake (Medieval version)
Judaism:
Why does shit always happen to me?
Conservative Judaism:
Why does shit always happen to US?
Islam:
If shit happens, it is will of Allah will and you'd better submit.
Islamic Fundamentalists:
If shit happens, we will bomb it!
Malcolm X's Islam:
We don't take this shit.
Protestantism:
If shit happens, you deserved it.
Calvinism:
Shit won't happen if you work harder.
Lutheranism:
Have faith that shit will happen.
Anglicanism:
It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.
Televangelism:
Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.
Confucianism:
Confucius say, "Shit happens".
Hinduism:
This shit happened before.
Presbyterianism:
This shit was bound to happen.
Seventh Day Adventists:
Shit happens on Saturdays.
Taoism:
Shit happens.
Zen:
What is the sound of shit happening?
Quakers:
Be silent and wait for shit to happen, friend.
Bahaism:
Shit happens universally.
New Age:
That's not shit, it's a crystal.
Visualize shit happening...
Wicca:
If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
Christian Science:
When shit happens, don't call a doctor: pray.
Atheism:
I don't believe this shit.
Agnosticism:
You can't prove any of this shit.
Mormonism:
If shit happens, shun it.
Baptist Church:
You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
Southern Baptist:
Shit will happen. Praise the lord.
Unitarianism:
It's not the shit that matters. It's the process.
Greek Orthodox Church:
Shit happens, usually in three's.
12-step program:
Shit happens one day at a time.
Amish:
This modern shit is worthless.
Shintoism:
You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
Unification Church of Rev. Moon:
Only happy shit really happens.
Stoicism:
This shit is good for me.
Zoroastrianism:
Shit happens half the time.
Rosicrucian:
What is this AMORC shit?
Satanism:
Sneppah tihs.
Witchcraft:
Mix this shit together and it will happen.
Church of Scientology:
If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.
Rastafarianism:
Let's smoke this shit.
Nihilism:
No shit.
Shit Happens is also the name of a short released in 2002 in Norway. Its plot revolves around a character needing to relieve himself.