NonBPs

Helping orphans the way you would do it

NonBPs is a name coined online in the mid 1990s and widely disseminated in the book Stop Walking on Eggshells by Randi Kreger and Paul Mason (ISBN 157224108X) to describe a person who is a significant other in the life of someone with Borderline personality disorder. Family members, co-workers and close friends of those with the disorder can be NonBPs.

Most people with traits of borderline personality disorder will remain forever officially undiagnosed. The vast majority of these are referred to in the NonBP community as high functioning borderlines. Being in a relationship with a high functioning borderline is particularly lonely and disorienting because most often they are very well thought of in their communities and the NonBP cannot find support from others because no problem is perceived. They may even have successful careers as lawyers, doctors, public safety officers, pastors, etc. In the high functioning population, the disorder surfaces nearly exclusively within the confines of the primary relationship.

Most of the research on BPD to date focuses on low functioning borderlines that require hospitalization, have strong suicidal ideation and are prone to self-injury or cutting behaviors. In the online communities of NonBPs, significant differences between these two populations of people exhibiting borderline traits have been noted. Primary among these is that high functioning borderlines almost never seek professional treatment, and therefore have a much lower incidence of recovery.

Characteristics of NonBPs

It is also interesting to note that the NonBP population also has predictable personality features. Among these are:

An inability to set and enforce appropriate boundaries
A willingness to lose themselves in a relationship; to define themselves only in terms of the relationship
Low self-esteem and self-confidence
An inability to watch others fail or suffer
An inclination to try and fix others
Are disinclined to resolve their own issues
Have the ability to delay personal gratification, even forever
Often have their own abaondonment issues and have a need to be needed
Have a belief that nobody is really happy, that everyone is pretending just like them
Are often highly impulsive and often operate on gut feeling over rational thought

There are dozens of online communities of NonBPs. The Internet has provided a way for people who otherwise feel very isolated to interact with others going through the same experiences. It is very important for the NonBP to know that they aren't alone if they are to reclaim a piece of their own life from out of the chaos.